A READER'S DELIGHT

Every reader is a Superman living in the mask of a Clark Kent. Their super power- a secret love affair since the day they opened a book. It went on from meeting up with a loyal friend , to having heart to heart conversations with a lover willing to take you on a date when you feel like it.

It makes you steal moments from your busy day at work and tiring human interactions to listen to this lover passionately talk about war, revolution, strikes, jealousy , love.. Only to come back energized, ready to take on the world.
Oh! The blush on my cheeks? One of the characters just said something very nice.

You yearn to go back home to shed the cloak of extroversion you have donned- for that is what it takes to make your self heard.
You wish the world goodnight and settle with that book in bed, like cuddling with a forbidden lover who whispers into your ear everything about what happens next. He waits while you gasp, chuckle, shed a few tears ;together , both of you paint a world so intimate - for only the union of that author and you could have brought that masterpiece to life.
When you read an author, you read the language of his soul (even after his death)- you get a peek into its depth, for words so powerful cannot be written half heartedly . Something probably only a few got to see during his time. This beautiful saga continues till your eyes feel heavy with the weight of slumber, until sleep takes you away as one of its own.
On your visit to the library or the bookstore, the author's wink and wave from their books on the stands. You approach them as you would an old friend , run your fingers slowly along its spine and whisper a gentle 'hey there..'
For an introvert like me, books are a safe haven. They don't expect me to open my soul ,while they peel theirs down layer by layer . They don't mind my awkwardness when I meet them the first time or the long, long time I take to break the ice.
So when my friends go on dates and fall in love with colleagues at work, I have breakfast with Scott Fitzgerald, lunch with Han Kang and I dine with Khaled Hosseini.
You call this an awkward introvert's sad life, I call it my secret love affair. 

I Stutter

Those words that you casually throw to the winds,
Words pronounced with the fluidity of a flying bird at ease;
Those words - oh those words- to me , are like diamonds;
They need to be polished, worked on, practiced, repeated-
Untill they tumble out of my mouth with seemingly effortless ease-
To bring my racing thoughts to an understandable pace,
To slow down, to bring my point across.
My sentences don't end with an elegant parameter,
They have no rhyme nor order much like this poem;
Because I stutter.

 I get stuck on words;
Syllables get repeated at an alarming rate,
Bespectacled and stuttering- they made me the symbol of a prototype nerd,
My "supposed embarrassment" on display to the world.
Yes. I stutter.

I jump hurdles over difficult words,
I navigate my way through potential blocks,
I switch languages, I shuffle words;
My brain constantly plays juggle with a million synonyms for words.
Yes, I stutter.

I stutter because I dare to speak.
I stutter because I have a voice of my own.
Yes, I stutter
and this is what my voice sounds like.

The Armour

The battle shield, the thick shell, the brick walls- we've heard it all; 
The armour we wear to glue us tight when into pieces we might just fall. 
You've seen that face when you steal a glance at your closest friend,

When a random man carelessly tugs at a string she is yet to mend. 

You've watched her face calm, her fingers at ease. 

The sight they see, a picture of perfect peace. 

You've watched her draw curtains, the raging storm beneath to hide. 

You've watched her smile , while she pushed what she felt aside. 

You've done that yourself- when you said 'I'm fine' on that day of your tragic loss. 

As if your words were enough to veil that your life had just gone for a mighty toss. 

You shove them aside into that dirty corner yearning for light. 

For completion, you throw over it a thick blanket to cover that hideous sight. 

They do haunt you every night, you become aware then of your own breath, 

Yet you hold on like a flower that never blooms , but carries it's scent hidden, till it's very death. 

When somebody comes along, you wonder in silence, "Is this the one that you seek?"

Will they flinch- will they run- god forbid will they leave if you let them have a peek? 

You wait with bated breath, peel yourself down, layer by layer;

Praying , that inspite of the scars that disgust you, to stay in your life, this time they will dare. 

FIRE

The divine invention of the human mind,
The element purest perceived by mortal kind,
Tamed to man's liking- flickering at the tip of an oiled wick,
to a spot of light reduced- at a smokers finger tip.
Beware- it's blazing rage, it's wrath unseen,
could drown the best of the brave into a haunted sea;
of gruesome deaths, of bodies chipped, of withered lives,
of dreams that awaken slumbers as if stabbed with a thousand knives.
Fire is the first colour beyond the window of a working mind- illuminated; drunk on a thought brand new,
Fire is in the charred manuscript of a forbidden idea in the hands of timid mortals ; perceived way ahead of its time- written by a mighty few.
Fire is also the end of a brave genius at the stakes burnt,
for refusing to apologise for stating the truth through observation that he learnt.
Fire is in the hasty strokes of a poets quill , lest his words travel unheard, perched upon times soaring wing.
Fire is in the mocking slogan etched across the archway of a reigning king.
Fire is in the sacred anthem of a society behind veils, meeting in shadows for what they believe.
Fire is in breaking shackles, tied by tradition, failing to restrain a spirit impossible to cleave.
Fire is in the unshakeable will to try, when the last breath in you has died,
to search within depths of a sunless sea for the hope to go on- for the popular belief you have defied.
Fire is in pursuit, fire is in passion, fire is in quenching relentless curiosity,
In the search for truth , in the belief in proof, in the decision to defy them wrong majority.

The Marriage Market Hypocrisy

Once upon a time, long long ago,a (not very bright) person in our society concluded that a wedding is every girls greatest dream. The society, has ever since taken it upon itself to prepare the girl for her wedding, irrespective of whether she asked for it or not.

First things first, once you get into the so called marriageable age, there is this mould that you need to fit into. Hair a certain length, skin a certain tone or brighter, not too thin, not too fat, voice a particular pitch, clothes a certain kind and yes, although not very openly spoken about; breasts a certain size. Here is the catch. What this mould is, is decided upon by the parents. Never the prospective bride or groom. Life is afterall all about adjustments..

So by the time you reach this dreaded age, the you who has won debates against beauty pageants arguing that beauty is skin deep, who passionately wrote essays against the dowry system, stood shoulder to shoulder with the boys in your class without realising it and most importantly, the you who deeply respect your parents and teachers for inculcating in you a sense of equality with men- the independent , free-thinking you , will have to ask your brain to please go on a holiday for a while- for this is the year when the hypocrisy of the marriage market will wave hello.

Numero uno-  the colour- nobody in India is ever fair enough. Time to attend your roll call at the beauty parlour, where you are obviously the ugliest female the beautician has set her eyes on. Enter facials and de tan treatments.

Once you are done dealing with this self induced abuse, next comes your weight. Too thin, too fat, never enough. Your options- hog on food till you burst or starve till you die; because no boy will want to marry a girl like you.

A haircut? Dont cut your hair too short. Please get a nice haircut atleast - you look like a villager.

While on one end everybody will be bent up on crushing your self esteem under their feet, your parents will frantically go to the all knowing astrologer with horoscopes to find a match.
Thanks to a twist of fate, they will at last find one match. "Bechara" (poor) guy - your friends will call him. Ofcouse he is a poor guy- this mould they put you into is strangulating you and he has no idea.
Their family comes to see you next. You have been adviced on how to behave. Don't talk too much. Don't smile too much. Don't ask too many questions. Don't be you. Please, don't be you.
After awkward questions from both sides comes the bonus- talk to him on the phone and get to know each other.
A catch awaits.. your parents casually talk about the amount of gold they can afford to deck you up in. They wonder if it will be enough..
Your brain that has come back from its holiday , much to everybody's distaste pops the big question- "Are they selling you for a price or buying him ?"  You dare to voice this question  and you get flooded by emotional speeches on how it is their prestige at stake here. That you should be lucky you even have a guy who is ready to marry you. You were never the right colour, size or type anyways .

Curtains raise.. Marriage day..
Wake up at 2 am.. make up till 7 am.. breakfast if you can find the time.. everything is in the hands of the one doing your make-up.. one wrong dab and everything could be destroyed.

Enter elders...
Checking the weight of your ornaments - not a cause for scorn
Counting the number of necklaces and bangles- not a cause for scorn .
Time to step on the stage..
Examining every inch of the couple on stage- not a cause for scorn .
Deciding on who among the couple is 'lucky' because they managed to bag a good looking spouse- not a cause for scorn.
The bride and groom chat on stage with the whole world watching- Congratulations. You have just managed to put both the families to shame. What were you even thinking!?

Finally, as the day ends, an exhausted, perfect bride, struggling in too tight a cast of a 'fair, thin , homely girl' sets out on a new journey with no visible shackles holding her down .
When her brain finally resurfaces, she finds a bunch of Hypocrates , their eyes brimming with tears of happiness , bidding her goodbye and wishing her the best in life. Their daughter grew up so fast...

ON ADDICTION AND CHANGE... WITH Dr DHARAV SHAH

A realization- simple yet significant; dawned on a young man pursuing his PG studies- that the disease that cause immeasurable pain to the patients families was in face something that was gaining acceptance in our growing society without differences in caste, creed, gender or education- it turned the husband abusive towards his wife, closed its cold hands on their kids and led them to the road to depressive disorders, buried the entire family in debt and drove them to suicide. It was and is, the much ignored issue of Alcohol Addiction. This man decided not to live with fact. He decided to try and bring about change.

Meet Dr Dharav Shah. Dr Dharav Shah did his MD in Psychiatry in NIMHANS and is currently working at BSES hospital, Mumbai. He works on spreading awareness about the socially acceptable addictive poisons- tobacco and alcohol. His audience ranges from street children to nursing and medical students. He has directly touched the lives of 3575 people with more than 110 presentations for the cause.

When asked for an e-mail interview, he sportingly agreed. Here are the excerpts from the same.


1) What made you take up the cause of spreading awareness on addictions?
"Today there is irrefutable scientific evidence about the hazardous consequences of alcohol and tobacco; yet there are no signs of its use decreasing in the near future". These lines got me deeply disturbed. Besides being a psychiatrist , I personally witness the pain that people trapped in addictions and their family experience. I believe that the problem persists because we are not doing enough for prevention. So I decided tpo give one year to get the fact proven in medical journals to the common man. Even educated men associate alcohol with just liver cirrhosis- while it accounts to just 15% of alcohol related deaths!

2)You give lectures on the alcohol "epidemic". Why do you call it that?
Earlier, people who used addictive substances were looked down upon. However, with aggressive marketing with film stars and cricketers, the alcohol industry had succeeded in making it socially acceptable. It is said "Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now girls drink like their fathers!" In Kerala, the percentage of drinking population under 21 has increased from 2 to 14%; and age of initiation has decreased from 19 to 13.5 years in the past 2 decades. And this is the situation across all states. Alcohol is responsible for 6.3% of all global male deaths and for 6-7% of global male DALYs lost. Still worse, this damage happens in the active age group of 15-45 years. Unless we as a society act soon, the epidemic will keep on spreading and may affect my and your home too.

3)Is it true that a small amount of alcohol if drunk on a daily basis is good for the heart?
This is a very widespread misconception. In fact some addicts I have met have taken their first alcohol drink because some great doctor had advised them to start drinking!
The evidence for this claim is weak. At least 2 meta-analyses have refuted this claim.
But the evidence for damage to heart done by alcohol is unequivocal.
This is definitely not true for Indians. A recent country-wide study done in 10 reputed hospitals of India, including AIIMS, has shown that in Indian men at least, the risk for heart attack increases with even light alcohol intake. The study also found that the impact of locally manufactured and branded alcohol on coronary heart disease was similar.
American Heart Association warns people- NOT to start drinking for claimed benefits to heart.

4)What according to you is the best solution for this epidemic?
Prevention is better than cure for any problem; but more so for addictive substances. It works by removing its social acceptability, which is the most effective way. Let me explain- it is a common belief that the alcohol problem is more in India than in the developed countries of the West because of the illiteracy and poverty over here. However, the fact is exactly the opposite. Addictiveness is a property of alcohol and it shows up irrespective of the socio-cultural background. Even in the West, around 15% of those who touch alcohol end up becoming dependent on it and many others drink in binge pattern. Because the proportion of people who touch it is very large, the resulting problem is also very large. How do we maintain our cultural defence and keep alcohol use socially unacceptable?

Spreading Awareness... 
Pro alcohol false messaged are frequently flashed on TV; but information about hazards is not talked about as frequently or effectively. Consequently, many youngsters tend to think that only weak minded people get harmed. Doctors must use their authority to educate the society. It is said, " The evil in society is not so much because of the violence of the bad; rather it is because  of the silence of the good." A group of students in  Nagpur Medical College are going in surrounding municipal schools since 3 years now and have reached out to over 6000 children. If you want to do something similar, you can write to dradityakhetan@gmail.com to know more.

Taking a stand on this issue and advising people to quit/remain abstinent....
Advising is not the same as forcing. Youngsters avoid drinking in front of parents because their parents will object. If friends react in a similar manner, they will listen. The most common reason why people quit is an emotional request from a loved one. If you express your concern and love rather than criticizing, people respond positively. Also if he is unable to quit by himself, you can refer him to de-addiction services or Alcoholic Anonymous. (ask for your local branch on 022-26844400). A timely referral can change their lives.

We can lead by example by not touching these addictive poisons...

5)Why do you say that joining a spiritual group helps in de-addiction?
Joining a spiritual/social/sports or any other group makes sure that you keep receiving highs through healthy ways consistently; and so you no longer feel the need for the high given by alcohol. Also, your lifestyle and social circle changes. Spirituality gives a new direction/purpose to life and often brings in a deeper level of peace and happiness.

Those who would like to know more on the issue or need any support for spreading awareness can write to me on dharavshah@gmail.com. One of the talks on tobacco that i had given has been uploaded on youtube  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUI5y6c5Ks.

MUNCH! MUNCH! SLURP! GOBBLE!!!

They feast on your insecurities,

Drink up your confidence.

"She is dark, yet pretty!" This is the best compliment a girl with a dusky complexion in India gets, all thanks to the growing obsession to fair skin in India

 Switch on the TV, and  tiny success stories are narrated in the name of ads, telling you how a girls/boys life changed after he/she used a particular fairness cream. You grow fair, and you get successful, people love you more, you get a better job. Without a fair skin, you never get employed and you are doomed to a sad and lonely life; because you are just not good enough! What the corporate sector thinks of you matters because they definitely care about how you live your life.


One particular incident struck me while taking a village survey as a part of our Community Medicine posting- the house did not have a bathroom or a kitchen, seven people were living crammed in one room, the only thing even close to a door was made out of six wooden logs, over which a sac was draped so that people wouldn't see through . They didn't even eat four times a day, because they couldn't afford it (the father was an alcoholic), but they did have a TV (from the government) and a tube of fairness cream.

Such is the impact of this pointless obsession.

Every girl in India, whether fair or dusky uses cosmetic or herbal products to enhance their skin tone. And if she refuses to it, it is forced upon her by her family, nosy aunts or friends. This obsession crosses all boundaries of caste, creed, even education. 

Will you really get better at work and not get lonely?

I fail to think of any way in which a persons skin color can help them fair better in their jobs. Yes, jobs require you to be presentable, confident, well groomed and hardworking. Under which of these does complexion play a role?

About people noticing and loving you more, did your parents or best friends pick you because of the way your skin glows against the moon light? Even if someone did love you because you got fairer, does that mean that he/she will stop loving you if and when you get a tan?

Then there is the other half of the population who give examples of people who have done well 'in spite' of their dark skin color. Since when did a skin tone become a handicap?

You put one toe into the marriage market, and and you hear one question resonating across the walls, echoing, and amplified- "Is she fair?"while they forget to ask the most important question- "Does she have a good sense of hygiene?"

There is absolutely nothing wrong in liking fair skinned people. But there is something very very wrong if you believe that having a dusky complexion narrows down your opportunities. Don't let it define you. 

Your skin tone is a result of your genetic make-up. When people tell you that you are not good enough because of your complexion, they knowingly or unknowingly tell you that your genes are faulty; by implication,  your parents and ancestors. You have every right to lash out at them. Do not show mercy!

I am not preaching the "black is beautiful" concept, but the "everybody is beautiful" theory. Wear clothes that suit your body type, choose good colors, keep yourself well groomed, keep things simple and you are good to go. Those girls you see on TV are clones of clones of clones of someone who someone else thought was beautiful. Tomorrow, if somebody announces that "dusky is the new in thing", you will find those people who chided you, wanting to have your skin tone. These are the people you are asked to please- the ones who forgot how to think somewhere along the line.

Paper white is not the Indian skin tone; neither is dusky skin confined to just the southern part of India. The color of your skin is what you acquired; its not something that was intended to be modified. It is what will help you adapt to the environment- that's what evolution intended it to be; then let it stay at just that!

Maybe by refusing to get fairness treatments done, you may not look like those ceramic dolls that can be kept on shelves and be admired, that repeats whatever it is programmed to, and nothing else.

But what you will be is a walking, talking, thinking human being who is honest about herself;  you'l be surprised- some people actually like honesty!