MUNCH! MUNCH! SLURP! GOBBLE!!!

They feast on your insecurities,

Drink up your confidence.

"She is dark, yet pretty!" This is the best compliment a girl with a dusky complexion in India gets, all thanks to the growing obsession to fair skin in India

 Switch on the TV, and  tiny success stories are narrated in the name of ads, telling you how a girls/boys life changed after he/she used a particular fairness cream. You grow fair, and you get successful, people love you more, you get a better job. Without a fair skin, you never get employed and you are doomed to a sad and lonely life; because you are just not good enough! What the corporate sector thinks of you matters because they definitely care about how you live your life.


One particular incident struck me while taking a village survey as a part of our Community Medicine posting- the house did not have a bathroom or a kitchen, seven people were living crammed in one room, the only thing even close to a door was made out of six wooden logs, over which a sac was draped so that people wouldn't see through . They didn't even eat four times a day, because they couldn't afford it (the father was an alcoholic), but they did have a TV (from the government) and a tube of fairness cream.

Such is the impact of this pointless obsession.

Every girl in India, whether fair or dusky uses cosmetic or herbal products to enhance their skin tone. And if she refuses to it, it is forced upon her by her family, nosy aunts or friends. This obsession crosses all boundaries of caste, creed, even education. 

Will you really get better at work and not get lonely?

I fail to think of any way in which a persons skin color can help them fair better in their jobs. Yes, jobs require you to be presentable, confident, well groomed and hardworking. Under which of these does complexion play a role?

About people noticing and loving you more, did your parents or best friends pick you because of the way your skin glows against the moon light? Even if someone did love you because you got fairer, does that mean that he/she will stop loving you if and when you get a tan?

Then there is the other half of the population who give examples of people who have done well 'in spite' of their dark skin color. Since when did a skin tone become a handicap?

You put one toe into the marriage market, and and you hear one question resonating across the walls, echoing, and amplified- "Is she fair?"while they forget to ask the most important question- "Does she have a good sense of hygiene?"

There is absolutely nothing wrong in liking fair skinned people. But there is something very very wrong if you believe that having a dusky complexion narrows down your opportunities. Don't let it define you. 

Your skin tone is a result of your genetic make-up. When people tell you that you are not good enough because of your complexion, they knowingly or unknowingly tell you that your genes are faulty; by implication,  your parents and ancestors. You have every right to lash out at them. Do not show mercy!

I am not preaching the "black is beautiful" concept, but the "everybody is beautiful" theory. Wear clothes that suit your body type, choose good colors, keep yourself well groomed, keep things simple and you are good to go. Those girls you see on TV are clones of clones of clones of someone who someone else thought was beautiful. Tomorrow, if somebody announces that "dusky is the new in thing", you will find those people who chided you, wanting to have your skin tone. These are the people you are asked to please- the ones who forgot how to think somewhere along the line.

Paper white is not the Indian skin tone; neither is dusky skin confined to just the southern part of India. The color of your skin is what you acquired; its not something that was intended to be modified. It is what will help you adapt to the environment- that's what evolution intended it to be; then let it stay at just that!

Maybe by refusing to get fairness treatments done, you may not look like those ceramic dolls that can be kept on shelves and be admired, that repeats whatever it is programmed to, and nothing else.

But what you will be is a walking, talking, thinking human being who is honest about herself;  you'l be surprised- some people actually like honesty!

The Little Naughty Girl

Once upon a time there lived a little girl;
whose hair fell to her shoulders in little brown curls.
She had a funny giggle and wild wild eyes;
to the people around she was anything but nice!


She braided her hair with ribbons pink and yellow;
in the park she cross tied the shoe laces of every poor fellow.
"Naughty girl! Naughty girl!" the people said;
little did she care and she jumped on the bed.


She loved to startle the strangers with a prank,
and in the zoo she teased the crocodiles in the river bank.
"Naughty girl! Naughty girl!" the people cried ,
and this time nobody took her side.


At school she turned into a walking talking questionnaire
so much that the teacher, intimidated had to step out to get some air!
"Questioned the teacher, did she?" fumed the people
"But it was just a question" she shrugged and flashed her best smile with a dimple.


"That impertinent naughty girl!" the people cried
and this time conspired against her side.
The teachers decided to give her four sharp blows,
they didn't let her friends come remotely close.


The girl who knew nothing but freedom got a mighty jolt
when they put her in a dark cellar and shut the bolt!
"Discipline is success" explained they
"Laughter is simply not the way!"


Fear set its dark shadow on her trail,
The men put her smile and brain on sale.
The brain tried reasoning with its kind "Listen up!"
But hey, theirs were already eaten up!


"This is for her good" the women said
"someday she will have to be wed!"
Her parents refrained from putting up a fight
so many people think it is, it just must be right.


She stopped wearing yellow, she stopped wearing pink,
 she forgot her smile and felt her eyes sink.
The people were happy, their lips turned up in a curl,
she is one among us; no more the little naughty girl.


If you don't believe me, then very well,
beyond that river bank, this is a story that still sells.
The heroic tale of how they straightened out that girl,
about how you cannot tell apart who was that little naughty girl.

THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH

They call her "India's daughter", they call her a "Brave heart", they call her "Damini" after the movie... they call her these names because she was raped- the Delhi Girl. The men who raped her, they say, were animals. They didnt just board a bus to hell - they were discarded back in hell.

Hell is not only when the devil plays his tricks on you. Hell is frightening when angels walk over your fallen body, with their eyes shut, fingers plugging their ears, singing at the top of their voices, to avoid seeing you, to avoid hearing you wail, avoid asking you if you are fine, because they know you are not, because they are afraid to listen to your story, for, it  may burst that perfect shiny pink bubble in which they live.

Sorry, Delhi girl, that you had to go through those critical 90 mins waiting for help to come by. I know that sorry means nothing at this point, but being called India's Daughter does not either. They wouldn't have treated you the way they did had they seen you as anybody's daughter.
To the girls friend, i am sorry you had to go through this. But i am not sorry you survived it. May you find a way to turn your anger and pain into power and rise above the ashes.
For the man who got the girl to the hospital- thank you for exercising the humanitarian part of your being. you are more a man, than many others the couple encountered that on day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

There are two India's we live in. One is the India of the papers- the India Shining-  where new peace treaties are signed everyday, new technologies are invented, candle marches and protests are held every time the public is outraged.
And there is another India which i see everyday, where an aunt refuses to make her boys clean the dishes because they "dont need to", where your parents expect you to smile joyfully into the camera like everyone else and just not frown and fuss about it when they sell you off with all their savings in the name of a marriage, because it would hurt their prestige to send you off with anything less. Where a respected adult says that the girl must have been wearing short clothes or that she was out late at night and that's why it happened. When will you stop reasoning with the rapists?


I live in an India where the rapists are called animals, while the common men, the ''aam aadmi' who saw the injured couple and feigned indifference are just not spoken about. The rapists were bad. The common man is us, people who walk the streets we walk by everyday. I am a girl who lives in India knowing that if I were to be in her position today, i would be treated (read ill treated) the same way.

Ignorance is bliss till everyone else is drowning and you are safe at the shore.Today its my life at stake- your life, and there is no shore in sight. A smile is the sign of the imbecile, the ignorant. A frown is the sign of thought.

Please react when you see a girl being looked at or touched at the wrong places in public. You know that rape is not about the clothes- why else would a 5 yr old be raped? Please reach out to children whom you think or know are being abused.  you know its not uncommon- then accept it and give them a hand. If you are a boy, I tell you this in their language - "No man accepts money from a girl". You do this, and you earn their gratitude for  life, better still, you will feel good about yourself. Trust me on that.

Its time to move beyond pretense. Stop believing that you are fine. You could get attacked tomorrow and people will just watch.Nothing is fine. Its time to bring a change in our mindset. Its time to move beyond demonstrations, to stop forgetting our anger. Its high time we face this inconvenient truth and actually begin to  react and react fast.
And you- while you still scream Bharat mata ki jai on the mike sets, or debate about national anthems in movie theaters ; do not open your mouth and ever call me India's daughter. You do not know the meaning of the word- you are not a good parent .